Sulli

I always thought of myself as an emotionally stable person. I don't cry much, and I rarely make emotional rash decisions. When I heard of Sulli's passing, I surprised myself by thinking about her all day, then I was even more surprised when tears came that evening.

But if I was going to cry for any celebrity ever (which I thought would never happen), it was going to be for Sulli. I was never her fan (to be fair, I don't think I could ever be anyone's fan), but I have always admired her, not only for her striking beauty (I had written about that in a previous post), but also for her courage for standing up to the Korean society. In a place where women (and in particular, girl groups) have a very rigid standards for how to look, how to behave, and how to speak, she was a true rebel who was not afraid to fight against all of Korea. She has opened the stage for discussing many things that were too taboo to speak before, and I do not doubt that she has made Korea a better place.

So many of her photos online are smiling, and I never saw this coming. I learned that she once cried on her Instagram Live; the newspapers wrote this up as "The antics of Sulli continues."

Many Koreans used to say that Sulli would have been more successful if she were a Hollywood celebrity, and I can't agree with that more. Korea was truly too small for her. I hope that she'll be happy wherever she is now.

I thought that I'd share a song that I listen to often when I'm down and feeling hurt by the others, because it seems appropriate now, too.




웃고 있는 그 표정 너머에
Beyond the smiling face

진심까지 꿰뚫어 볼 순 없어요
I can't see through you
그저 따라서 웃으면 그만
All I can do is to smile with you.




누군가 힌트를 적어 놨어도
Even if someone has written down some hints
너무 작아서 읽을 수가 없어요
They are too small to read

차근차근히 푸는 수밖에
All I can do is to solve them step by step.



그렇다 해도 안경을 쓰지는 않으려고요
Even so, I don't want to wear glasses
하루 온종일 눈을 뜨면 당장 보이는 것만
I'm busy enough keeping my eyes open
보고 살기도 바쁜데
and look at the things that my eyes see



나는 지금도 충분히 피곤해
I'm already tired enough
까만 속마음까지 보고 싶지 않아
that I don't need to look through the dark hearts
나는 안 그래도 충분히 피곤해
Because I'm already tired enough



더 작은 글씨까지 읽고 싶지 않아
I don't want to read the fineprints
공들여 감춰놓은 약점을
Or find the weaknesses that one has concealed carefully
짓궂게 찾아내고 싶진 않아요
Because that's not nice

그저 적당히 속으면 그만
I'd rather be kinda fooled




무지개 뒤편엔 뭐가 있는지
I can't see what's beyond the rainbow
너무 멀어서 보이지가 않아요
Because it's too far
대단한 걸 상상할 수밖에
I guess I'm just going to imagine something amazing



그렇다 해도 안경을 쓰지는 않으려고요
Even so, I don't want to wear glasses
속고 속이고 그러다 또 믿고
I'm too busy fooling them, and be fooled, and then trust again
상상을 하고 실망하기도 바쁜데
I'm too busy to imagine and be disappointed



나는 지금도 충분히 피곤해
I'm already tired enough
누구의 흠까지 궁금하지 않아
I don't want to wonder about others' flaws

나는 지금도 충분히 피곤해
I'm already tired enough

좀 더 멀리까지 보고 싶지 않아
I don't want to see further
나는 지금도 충분히 피곤해
Because I'm already tired enough
무거운 안경까지 쓰지 않을 거야
I don't want to wear heavy glasses
나는 안 그래도 충분히 피곤해
Because I'm already tired enough
더 각진 안경까지 쓰지 않을 거야
that I don't want to wear the pointy sharp glasses







If only we could have accepted Sulli for who she was.

Rest in peace, Sulli. You deserve it so much. But I'll miss you.