Friday, July 21, 2017

#71. 맘충 -- Your kid is NOT the best

Some parents... should not be parents. I often find myself raging (internally, because I'm a loser) at parents who cannot control their kids not to kick the seat in front of them in planes. Then there are parents who let their kids run around screaming in restaurants, and so on.

Korea is a breeding ground for such parents. This is because Korea is not a society built on just law. Because of the influence of Confucianism (유교 in Korean), the Koreans also expect that there should be some kind of warmth when dealing with one another. Doing things exactly by law makes you seem a bit heartless to the Koreans' eyes.

If you're renovating your home and making a lot of noise? It's not required by law, but it's nice to visit your neighbours with a bit of snack and apologize in advance. Eating lunch with someone your junior? If you can afford it, it's nice to offer to pay for her. If you're a shopkeeper and an adorable and well-mannered child walks in with his mother? Not required, but you would often feel compelled to give out a piece of candy for the child for free.

To the Koreans, these kinds of gestures (usually given out from the one who holds a bit more power to the one who is weaker) make you human, and in many cases, these kinds of gestures are expected.

But here's one case where this becomes a little hazy. Usually, elder people extend these courtesies to the younger people, because they are the ones in position of power. Or if you're being a bother, you extend these courtesies to the person you are bothering. But, what if a child is bothering the others? It's a child, and children are cute, so should everyone else be courteous and do favours for the child, or should the child make some kind of gesture since she is bothering the others?

To most of us, the answer is clear. If the child is being excessively annoying, the parents should apologize on the child's behalf, and make sure that they are preventing everything that they can. However, you can see that certain self-centered people might think that since they are with a child (read: helpless but really cute things) other people should be extending courtesies to make their lives easier.

For example, see the snippet of a text conversation below (translation follows):



A: Hello, I would like the baby crib ("나눔" means "sharing," but in this context, it means "giving away for free.")
B: Sorry?
A: My due date is approaching ㅠㅠ If you're not using the baby crib, could you give it to me?
B: Where did you see it? I'm not giving it away, I'm trying to sell it.
A: I saw it on 중고나라 (Korean version of Craigslist). I don't have a lot of money.
B: Oh, I'm trying to sell it because I don't have a lot of money either.
A: ㅗㅗㅗ (note that the Korean vowel "ㅗ" looks like the middle finger. This is the quickest way to say f*ck you.)

Here, the person "A" (in gray) expected the person "B" (in green) to extend the courtesy, because she will have a baby soon. In normal context, this is not unusual to expect in Korea. If your neighbour is having a baby, and you have a bunch of old baby stuff that your child grew out of, you might reasonably offer to give all of these things to your neighbour without getting a penny. But of course, this depends on your decision, and your neighbour should never expect it from you, or even ask you for them (although they might be secretly hoping for it). Unfortunately, as this kind of behaviour happens fairly frequently in the Korean society, some people started taking things for granted, like the woman in the above text.

The problem is that 1) the person A is demanding these things (very rude), and 2) they are strangers. Furthermore, 3) person B was selling the bed and A wanted it for free. Seriously, wtf? I'm pretty sure that Confucius would not approve of this behaviour.

Unfortunately, Korea seems to have a lot of mothers who behave in an unreasonable way (yes, fathers also do it too, but thanks to Confucianism still rooted in the society, there are many more full-time moms than full-time dads, and so a stereotype has stuck that mothers are unreasonable.)

Koreans have an appropriate word for someone like her. They call her a "맘충." Person B might tell her friend:
"오늘 맘충이 나한테 문자해서 침대를 공짜로 달라고 하더라." (Today, a 맘충 texted me asking for the baby crib for free.)
 "맘충" is made up from two words.

"맘" is the English word "mom" written in Korean.

"충" means "insect" in Chinese. For example, "곤충" means "insect", and "해충" means "pest (but just the insects).

So, the Koreans have taken to calling the terrible moms such as A a "맘충," or "the insect of a mother."  Remember that "-충" is a good suffix to attach to the object of scorn, such as "급식충" or schoolchildren. So this is pretty much the worst insult you can hurl off to a mother who is behaving terribly, using her child as an excuse. You'd have to be pretty upset to use it in anyone's face, although if you're talking behind someone's back with your friends, you might use it a bit more liberally. I guess that is the case with most insults.

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